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So you have an eccentric uncle or a family secret that is just too good NOT to write about. Truth really is stranger than fiction, and it is easy to be tempted to write about your family in your novel. After all, you know them best, and you won’t have to spend time making up the juicy details. But should you write about family and other loved ones in your fiction? Or should you steer clear?
The short answer is absolutely write about your family. Why not share those crazy and compelling stories with the world? But the long answer is a little more complicated.
Find the Best Stories
If you’re thinking about adding a family member or neighbor as a character in your novel, you probably already have a starting place in mind. But talking to relatives about THEIR motivations and experiences versus what you’ve observed or been told will greatly enhance the story. You may find that old Aunt Edna actually eloped when she was sixteen and never told anyone.
So maybe the story you thought you knew is even better.
Or you might find the story never happened at all, and it’s only family legend. Or perhaps you actually made up the details from a snippet you heard as a child. Or maybe Aunt Edna made it up. These things are good to know before you begin.
Does the Story Have to be Completely True?
Sometimes when authors write about family, they think they must stick to the exact facts of the real event. You can do this if you want, but sticking to nothing but the truth can throw your story off. In the world of genre literature, with so much competition, true stories make much better fiction when you break down the pieces, shake them up, and put them back together.
The best advice is to use your family story as an inspirational jumping off point.
Shaking it up
There are various ways you can shake up your real-life family members’ experiences and relationships to include in your fictional story.
Switch descriptions
You don’t need to stay true to what the family member looked like. Switch hair color, size, mannerisms. Make your character stand out.
Choose a better location
Unless the location is the driving point of the plot, changing the location can completely change a story.
Combine two characters in one
You might have two family members with interesting stories, but maybe one is not enough to fuel an entire novel. Putting them together can make the bones of a fantastic story.
Separate one character in two
Maybe one character has had too many life challenges that would be unbelievable to include in one novel. You can give one of the plots to a side character to make them more interesting.
Skip the boring parts
So what if they lived happily for five years in real life before more challenges crashed in on them? Readers don’t want to read chapters of nothing happening. So skip it and continue with a good twist!
Make a better ending
Some fantastic real-life stories end horribly. In real life, heroes die after saving others, people lose those they love, the guy might not end up with the girl he gave a kidney to, a rebellious child may never reunite with a parent. In your story, however, you can make anything happen. Remember, this is not a memoir, and your reader needs to finish your book with a feeling of satisfaction, not hopelessness.
Add some extra pizazz
Maybe the real-life conversation didn’t include a face slap or a trip into a ravine. Or maybe there was no second love interest. Adding a little make-believe pizazz can make your story shine.
Do You Need a Family Member’s Permission?
If you have taken a family member’s personal story and used it closely, you will likely need to cover your basis, because you could be open to a lawsuit, especially if the story is unique or you have portrayed the person in a terrible light. This possibility is another reason for using the real experiences only as inspiration for your fictional story.
Chances are if you have made enough changes and added some great twists, your family member will barely recognize themselves. Meaning that it is NO LONGER their story, but your fictional one. Because similar things happen to people everywhere. Most times the family member will say, “Hey, that’s sort of what happened to me.” Only when their personal traits or the event are overtly the same could you run into issues.
If your story covers a sensitive topic, however, you may want to ask someone in your family to read it first to see if it might offend the member you are taking inspiration from. Then, you can pass the book to the member and say, “Hey, your story inspired me to write my own, would you be able to read it and give feedback so my fictional character will seem more real? This way, you will include them, and they will feel more connection to you and your story and understand that you have not stolen their story but used it as a jumping off point.
If your family member violently objects to what you’ve written and believes you are taking too much from them, you’ll need to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of going ahead with publication. If you’ve done your job correctly at making the story fictional, you won’t be open to a lawsuit, but you might be ruining family relationships.
Offense not Intended
Even if you don’t intend offense, some people may take it anyway. And not always from the story. One author I know had a close friend as a teen who she lost contact with after her marriage. All she knew is that he married a woman with a child and twenty years later he was killed in a car accident.
Though she hadn’t seen her friend in all that time, this author was shaken and saddened by the event and wanted to honor her friend. She was writing a story about a woman losing her husband, mourning him, and finally discovering love again, so she added a guitar and dedicated the story to her friend, though she didn’t know anything about the life he’d made with his wife and their additional children.
However, the wife discovered the book and was upset at the dedication. Her family threatened a lawsuit. In this case the ONLY similarity to the real-life story was the death of the husband (which happened before the book began) and his love of the guitar, so there was no basis for any lawsuit, but the author, never intending to cause any harm to a woman she didn’t know, removed the dedication and the subject was dropped.
Eventually the women had a good talk and the wife apologized, explaining that she’d reacted so violently because she believed her husband had harbored feelings for the author, and because she had always wanted to write a book and dedicate it to her husband.
So be aware of the emotional state of your family member, or even acquaintances, especially if there is a loss involved.
Make it Yours
In conclusion, feel free to use inspiration from real life family events and people, but make the plot your own by fictionalizing physical descriptions, places, and significantly altering events. Doing this will not only create a tighter, more compelling story but will also save you heartache with loved ones.
Have you written about family and loved ones in your fiction? How did it go? What tips would you share?
If you’re interested in writing about family in your memoir, see these important tips.
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