While we at Book Cave don’t condone lying, we know that book lovers are exceptional friends, and being a great friend can be very draining. So, we also understand that everyone needs some alone time every now and then. The next time you have someone begging you to go out with them, and all you really want to do is spend your night in reading, maybe some of these excuses for staying home will help. We’ve compiled a list of the most tried and true excuses to help you dedicate your nights, days, and weekends to reading.
1. I’m sick. It’s the oldest trick in the book, and for good reason. Even though, nowadays, most people will take this excuse with a little bit of skepticism, they won’t risk dragging you out of the house for fear that they’ll become infected as well. There is a down side though. If you use this excuse too often, people will think you’re the grossest, most disease-ridden person on the planet. You might even start receiving anonymous hygiene kits. But, if you’re really set on selling it, don’t forget to add in that you’re vomiting copiously.
2. My car is out of gas, and I’m broke so I couldn’t afford anything anyway. This excuse will make you look like you’re life is a bit of a mess right now, but you’ll get some quality time with your books without wasting your money on overpriced drinks at the bar. Plus, you can use all that saved money to buy even more books. That’s all that really matters, right?
3. I don’t have an appropriate outfit to go to [fill in activity here] in. Fashion is important, so it’s perfectly reasonable that if you don’t have an appropriate outfit, then you probably shouldn’t go in the first place.
4. My phone is about to die, and I’m waiting for an important call from [boss/family member/friend] here. This excuse works especially well if you’re supposed to be heading out to a place that won’t have easy accessibility to electrical outlets.
5. My kid isn’t feeling well. I need to stay home to make sure he/she is okay. No one can fault you for being a loving and caring parent.
6. My kid is having a tantrum. I can’t leave him/her with a baby sitter like this. Your babysitter will appreciate the foresight, and fellow parents will understand your pain. Family first, but books as a close second.
7. I have a huge [assignment due/work proposal due/12 dozen cupcakes to bake] tomorrow, so I need to stay home and work on it. Everyone knows what it’s like when you have so much to do that you can’t even imagine wasting a few extra seconds without breaking into tears. They’ll understand.
8. Just start crying. If you can fake enough tears, you won’t have to explain anything.
9. I have a mandatory family dinner I have to attend. If you have a family, then you’ve probably attended a mandatory family dinner at some point. It’s hard to say no to Grandma.
10. I have to work overtime tonight. They’ll feel so bad for you that they’ll leave you alone for the rest of the night.
11. My wallet/phone/identity was stolen. I’m not even sure who I am anymore. Are you really my friend?
12. My dog ate chocolate! I have to rush him to the vet! Pet emergencies are almost as critical as family emergencies. No one is going to tell you that going out tonight is more important than Fluffy’s vet trip. And if they do, you probably don’t need that kind of negativity in your life anyway.
13. My relative arrived in town unexpectedly! Nothing like an unexpected family visitor to throw off your plans for the evening! And it’s not your fault. It’s your mysterious visitor’s fault for not texting first.
14. My car broke down today! And I don’t want you to have to come get me because I live so far out of the way. They’ll appreciate your sacrifice for them.
15. Oh, was that tonight? I could’ve sworn you said that was Saturday. I wrote it down as Saturday on my calendar. I accidentally made other plans tonight. Sorry! If it wasn’t in writing, they’ll have no choice but to second-guess that they might have told you the wrong date.
16. I’m really tired. I couldn’t sleep last night because my kids kept me up all night. Obviously, we know that the real reason you were up last night was to finished that super interesting novel because you only had 100 pages left, but your friends don’t need to know that. Now, rinse and repeat.
17. My family member/friend is going through a really rough time right now, and I really need to be there for him/her. They don’t need to know that this mysterious friend is really the protagonist in your latest novel.
18. My cousin is having a baby shower. A cousin is disconnected from you enough that your friends probably won’t know them personally, or know if you even have a cousin named Emily who’s pregnant with twins.
19. My crush said that they maybe, might, could hangout with me tonight if, like, seven of their other plans fall through. So, I need to make sure I’m available just in case. This excuse works especially well if you’re the victim of friends and relatives constantly asking you about when you’re going to get married. They’ll support your dedication to catching a spouse.
20. I’d tell you why I can’t go, but then I’d have to kill you. Why should you have to tell them everything? Leave a little air of mystery.
21. I have a condition where I can only go out in days that don’t end with “y.” It sounds serious. They’ll have to understand.
22. My [A/C, heater, fridge, toilet, etc.] is broken and I have to wait for the repair man to show up. Everyone knows it’s like a 6-hour window for them to show up, and that’s assuming they make it on time. Enjoy your free day.
23. You never invited me to do that . . . You must have asked someone else. Plant the seed of doubt in their mind that they ever even asked you out. They’ll be scratching their head trying to remember if they’re losing their mind or not.
24. Future me traveled back in time to me to tell me that if I went out tonight, bad things would happen. Everyone knows not to mess with time travel.
25. I wish I could, but I don’t want to. Sometimes honesty is the best policy.
26. That sounds fun, but I already have plans for that day/evening. Sometimes acting preemptively is the best strategy. If you never make plans in the first place, then you’ll never have to think of a last-minute excuse.
What are your favorite excuses for staying home when you just really need to spend some time alone, reading? Let us know if the comments!
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