The Rideshare Driver: Seventy-One Rules to Rider Etiquette

Description

There are people in our society who have no boundaries. They are the undignified. The unrefined. The unkempt. The last remaining descendants of an age that had no rules. These people need more than just a friendly, gentle nudge of guidance in the right direction.

They need this book.

Like the Jaws of Life freeing a texting driver from the crumpled mess of automotive steel, this book is the lifeline that will extract them from the gluteal bars that imprison their minds.

If you dare, allow yourself to be guided on this self-deprecating, no-holds-barred journey through the disgusting underbelly of rideshare driving.

What do you do with the dried-up booger on the end of your finger?

How should you handle a stomach cramp that demands your immediate attention?

Does your rideshare driver notice the sweet aroma of your body odor if you don’t lift your arms?

These essential life questions, and sixty-eight more, are all answered within this one gloriously descriptive beacon of light.

Not a dreg of society? Not to worry.

This book isn’t just for the dregs. It’s for the friends and family of dregs. It’s for the borderline dregs. It’s for the once-dregs. It’s for everyone.

Because it truly does take a village idiot to write a book that can answer ridesharing’s most important questions.

When is it appropriate to undress yourself in the back seat of a rideshare?

Will your driver bring back the three ounces of Acapulco Gold you accidentally left in his car?

Is Whataburger really that good?

Each perfectly-worded, colossally-horrendous chapter includes a two-question quiz that even a five-year-old who watches PBS could pass with flying colors.

So brush off your cobweb-filled lawn chair, grab a six-pack, and snuggle up to the backyard fire pit. Then drink three beers and start reading. (I was three beers in each time I sat down to write, so you might as well meet me there.)