Dear NSA

Description

In “Pedo Drew,” a man loses a bet and is forced to go around his neighborhood confessing to a terrible crime.

In “Go Home Student Loans, You’re Drunk,” the author shares an e-mail he recently received from Nelnet services, the holder of 1/3 of America’s student loan debt.

In “Dear NSA,” a woman’s obsession with the NSA finds her writing love e-mails to federal agents, desperately hoping for a reply.

Gun violence is the topic in “Pay to Play,” a story about a corporation that matches older citizens with police departments so they can perform the role of volunteer law enforcement officer.

“Tips for DEA Sex Party” is a slide show presentation telling DEA agents how to throw and attend sex parties.

“The Gastronomics of Brotherhood” journeys along the intestinal tract, as a woman named Clara receives e-mails from both of her brothers, who have been fighting it out for years over things that range from the benefits of enemas to philanthropy.

“The Internet Kill Switch Fiasco” is a history paper written in the 2030s about social media gone wrong and the global loss of the Internet and its aftereffects.

“Feeding Governor Christie: A Love Story,” is a surreal piece about a couple arguing over Instagram likes while stuffing the Governor of New Jersey and his distinguished guests.

“Rest Assured: I Didn’t Sleep with Your Mother” is a letter to a man’s ex-girlfriend assuring her of his new positions in life.

“From My Cold Dead Hands” is a serious piece about gun violence and paranoia in Texas.