Lies The Guardians Tell

I have mixed feelings. It's a good story, but could use quite a bit more editing. The dialogue is okay, the story itself is good, character building is decent, the world building is done fairly well, but the narration needs a lot of work. The speech is odd and trying to go for English classroom proper grammar. For example, "Curious as to his motives." ". . . as to how." "She didn't like feeling helpless, and even worse, clueless, as to what was going on. But this day revealed both on a level she had never before experienced." If it were a character speaking, that's fine, can go towards character development. But in general, people don't speak like that or tell stories like that. It's not a one off, but happens a lot in the first half of the book, a little less in the last half (guessing at percentages!). Most of the book is tell rather than show. Here's just one example: "How far do we need to go?" Sierra asked, trying to catch her breath, and also apprehensive about what his answer might be. Use Sierra's actions to show me that she's breathless and apprehensive. Maybe Sierra stumbles after him and pants out her question. Despite this, it's an interesting story. I am curious about what will happen next, but it's on the low priority, maybe I'll get to it eventually kind of thing. I think with another round of editing could make an okay story into a great story. Like I said, plot and story are there and are interesting, so there's some good potential here.