Hi! I’m Miranda Blake and this is my story. Well, sort of. It’s more like a twisted fairytale, if you believe in them. Except there’s no beautiful, young princess with perky breasts, perfectly coiffed hair, and a sassy attitude. I’m closing in on fifty, thirty pounds overweight according to Weight Watchers, and, after nursing two kids and that bitch, gravity, doing her job, I’m lucky the ladies don’t hit my knees. The gorgeous brown mane of hair is slightly frizzy from my ridiculous attempts to recapture my youth by dyeing it. As for sassy attitude, well, it wasn’t so long ago that I was a doormat. And the charming prince who sweeps me off my feet into the life of my dreams? I have a dog called Prince, German Shepherd, who knocks me on my butt if I’m in the way when the doorbell rings. Does that count?